"We're sick for the big sun
Alone and drip drip drip drip drip drip drip
I realize that too

True, true and everlasting
Didn't last that long
We're the lonesome
We're the lonesome
True and everlasting
Didn't last that long "

i wish i could know what you were doing right now. i wish i was there with you and here and in a million other places. i know we did nothing wrong. i feel this insatiable desire to run and see the world. i want to be in 5 different places. i want to loose who i am and find a new me. tonight i am sad at who i am and what i have done. i know that it is partly because it is 00:24 and i am anxious. i know that it is partly because something miss fires in me and it is like a starting gun. i start off thinking that a run would be good but soon i am just alone. alone with this head of guilt and shame. i use to be able to see the future and while it is fun to think and day dream that is all it really feels like. i wonder if even next week is possible. i just have to go minute by minute or else it overwhelms and i feel like drowning. sometimes it just seems pointless and a futile. i am glad that friends a porch some beers and a moon can tempt me to come alive in the morning and try again. keep tempting me moon you are doing fine. i need a soft thing to focus my eyes on. this morning i awoke to a gun shot (for real) maybe tomorrow i will feel the wind and hopeful to hear you speak to my heart. bring it i am wide awake and i need to feel your touch. i know i might or rather really honestly not like what you have to say but it needs to be said. i am just like my heart deceitful and wicked above all things who could know it..... i don't like that i need some changes. lets operate. ready go.

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