oh, it wears on your shoulders

it is ash wednesday and i am excited about this season of 40 days and the growth that could be produced. it is funny that i have chosen my foul mouth for the give up, since it has never been something i think that G-d really holds against me until oliver was born this year. anytime i am around children it is pressed on me to clean up my mouth and lately just the fact that when other people use sentence enhancers so easily makes me cringe. i wish that we showed love or told people positive affirmations as much as we cuss. maybe that is something i will pick up this lent season and try to let more people know why i think they are wonderful.

i spent much of last night trying to reconcile my heart to the fact that i place such heavy judgment on many of my friends, but each one gets it own set of judgment tailored especially to them like a little couture outfit created just for them clothing my eyes from wrongs they do and highlighting their curves. i debated with myself on how this was right or wrong and wondered if they should all be accountable to me in the same ways. my ultimate decision was no mostly because they all have different functions in my life and fill different parts, however i did find that all the outfits i create in them have similarities that cross over. each of them hemmed in honesty and stitched with loyalty. i know that my heart has been changing in the past few years and i am excited about its desire to be loyal and things it is more aware of.

i just wish that i still had the power to shake you up and watch you fall into place. to me you would make a marvelous snow globe.

this all will get harder before it gets easier we just can not let our hearts get hardened.

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